Many men who come to this site ask me how to make new friends.
Given the success of the last article on how to enlarge your social circle if you have no friends (or few anyway), I thought I'd write a fresh one.
I will cover this in two articles:
- In this article I'll give you some good advice on How to meet new people by creating friendships
- in the next article I will tell you how to create a Social network that works for you
Let's start?
Making new friends: 5 useful tips
With the tips below you will be able to not only make connections with people but you will make it with people right for you.
1. Develop your social skills
This is the base. It seems almost trivial to say this but it is not at all. If you're wondering how to meet people I'll tell you that if you don't practice your social skills you won't get far.
What I mean? I want to say that many men come to this site hoping to find the magic formula to solve their problems but it doesn't exist. There is a long but rewarding work.
Imagine taking a man with no social skills and throwing him into an approach with a girl or a person in general.
We have a person with zero social skills and two techniques. Result? A disastrous! He will communicate in an unnatural, mechanical and clumsy way and instead of creating a good feeling towards the other person he just creates discomfort by trying to manipulate it.
How to meet people therefore, having a good social skills? In the previous article I talked about the basics, in this article you will have more practical information.
If you want to learn about people my first piece of advice is to get out of the house and expose yourself as much as you can in public situations. Your goal must be to simply expose yourself in places with people: it can be a bar, a square, a bus, an event..
What matters is that you Don't stay in the house.
People with poor social skills often shut themselves up and avoid confrontations: they spend a lot of time in front of the television, surf the internet, read books and play video games.
All things that inspire them but at the same time make them feel safe because they don't have to compare themselves to other people, talk to them and relate to them. Taking risks and challenging some shyness and embarrassment.
Too bad though that talking to people makes you grow a lot as a person and as a man. Plus it gives a feeling of well-being (scientific studies show this) to both people interacting.
These says a lot about the fact that we are social animals and are programmed to interact with other people.
So practice practice practice practice. Social skills are something that takes a lot of time and patience. This is a skill that is developed through patience and not intensity.
If you feel shy about socializing with people, click here and watch Win Shyness in 30 Days.
2. Learn to improvise
Improvisation is one of the best skills for socializing that I know of.
Many men who wonder how to meet people think that there is a script to follow or a set of rules to follow by which you can assess whether an interaction went well or not. Wrong.
What I've learned through experience is that the best moments you create in an 'interaction and in a group of people having a conversation are those more spontaneous. It can be a blunt joke at just the right moment, it can be outright bullshit that said on the spot, generates great hilarity.
But why is this kind of thing so powerful? Because interactions are by their nature a time of Slight tension. Although this tension is actually pleasant, it exists because each person interacting has to expose themselves and will never know exactly what to expect from the other side.
When you make an impromptu joke, this tension is suddenly broken, giving way to a pleasant feeling.
These kinds of jokes or unexpected comments are due to the ability to improvise.
But how to do that in practice?
In practice you have to learn to say whatever comes to mind.
Yes! Exactly! If you get the urge to say or do something, do it. Follow your impulse, let go and don't be afraid. You'll be fine, no one's died from it yet
If you are in line with what is happening this will have great power.
This is a constant exercise, and makes you more confident and self-aware. Don't be afraid of being inappropriate, just take the risk: the vast majority of the time you won't be, and it's not what you need to focus on right now, what's important now is express yourself more freely.
Our brain often tells us the right thought at the right time.
In fact, if you make the same joke a minute later, it will most likely no longer have any effect.
This technique also teaches you to be spontaneous and create a good energy around you.
Interactions follow the same principle as word chain play. A friend of yours says one thing and you continue the sentence with the first thing that comes to mind… but to do this you need to improvise and learn not to put filters for fear of saying the wrong thing.
3. Develops a sense of humor
For those who know me know that I don't want you to play a part that doesn't belong to you. If in a moment you are angry express your disagreement, in a mature and conscious way, and do not pretend that everything is fine.
In the same way, if you don't feel like making a joke, don't feel obliged to make it to please people.
But… I still want you to train yours Sense of humor. A sense of humor is a fundamental part of any interaction and if interactions didn't have a little irony this world would be a lot less beautiful.
A sense of humor indicates that you can see the nice and funny side of things, indicates that you care about making your interaction enjoyable, and makes you a stronger and more mature person.
If you think about it, developing a good sense of humor is not only a sign of social interaction, but also a sign of strength.
Sure! Who doesn't have a sense of humor?
Touchy people, complainers, people who are perpetually pissed off. And according to you these are people who face life from a strong position or rather as passive subjects who bear everything and keep on complaining?
Sense of humor is a muscle that must be trained. And there is no person who doesn't have that by nature. It's something mother nature gave us. Everyone since childhood is able to laugh. Those who think they don't have it are just people who get stuck with false limiting beliefs.
That said, if you feel you have little sense of humor, you can learn to be funnier, click here and read an article about it.
4. Exercises curiosity
If you want to create a deeper connection with people, it's good to learn how to practice sincere feeling of curiosity e Interest. Just like a sense of humor, curiosity is an innate quality that we have.
Remember that asking questions is a very important way you have to grow and learn more about the world around you, as well as being a way to create connection with another person.
That said, what kind of questions do you need to ask to create connection?
The best questions, without a doubt, are those to open response. So instead of asking questions that imply a "yes/no" answer, it's better to ask a question that focuses on getting the person you have in front of you to tell about themselves.
For example:
"What do you do for fun in your free time?"
"What passions/hobbies do you have?"
"What do you like most about this place??"
5. Sharing and vulnerability
I've already talked to you in this article about how important vulnerability is to creating sincere and deep human relationships.
Exposing your vulnerability is synonymous with great maturity. In fact, we all have vulnerabilities and weaknesses, and talking about them with others drops any social mask and any formal detachment.
Vulnerability is the most powerful weapon I know to improve yourself and your relationships.
Vulnerability is the ability to talk about yourself without veils and about what is activating inside you in a conscious and masculine way especially in relation to challenges you are facing without complaining and whining.
Once you share your vulnerability the other person will most likely, do so accordingly. And you will have created in this way a sincere and authentic relationship.
Niko