Love and sexual desire come from the same place
If you want to leave emotions and opinions out of the debate about whether love and sex go together, science has shown that they are connected. Canadian researchers conducted a study in 2012 that found that the part of the brain that handles emotions is where sexual desire comes from. Both emotional love and sexual desire come from the insular cortex. These findings lead people to believe that the two are connected on a level that takes away our ability to choose. We can choose to have sex when love is not present, but it can be difficult to deal with emotions.
Sexual desire and love lead to some of the same reactions in the brain. This means that it can be easy to confuse what you are experiencing. This is why some people have a hard time thinking they're in love after having sex when the other person isn't. Science also explains that this makes sex even better when you're in love because you're getting a double dose of chemicals that make us feel good. We will explain these later in the article.
Love makes sex more fulfilling
Penn State researchers did a study on sexual experience and sexual connection, where they interviewed 98 women. They found that the majority of women believe that when love is present, the sexual experience is better and more satisfying. These results have been regardless of whether you are in a marriage or a dating relationship. There are several reasons why you believe this happens, and they are included below.
Love adds trust and comfort to the mix
This could be counted as two different reasons. However, they are closely related. You can't trust someone you don't know. This means one-night stands will never be able to hold up to the full sexual experience that love can provide. When there is love, there is also trust. Trust adds a certain level of comfort to the relationship, even in sex. This means that when you make love to someone you fall in love with, you're not worried about being judged.
This connection also means that you can be more open during the sexual experience. You can easily share the things you like and the things you don't like. You won't be afraid to ask for the things you want. And, you know that you are loved, and therefore can relax to a level that you cannot when love is absent during sex.
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Sex is more meaningful with love
Sexual desire is a way to show love to another person. You can have sex without love being present, but then sex is just sex. There is nothing more. Even if you enjoy yourself physically, there will be a level of emptiness in lovemaking when love is absent. There is no real meaning. You know it doesn't lead to anything else. However, when you love the person you're with, it takes the sexual experience to a deeper level. Emotional needs are met as well as physical needs.
People unsuccessfully try to fill the love void with sex
You probably know someone who is constantly looking for one-night stands. They're not even looking for a relationship, they're just looking to hook up. There is no love involved in these types of connections; it is purely sexual. The reason why this person has to keep looking for the next experience is because sexual fulfillment is short term. There is no lasting positive impact from a one-night stand or empty sex. However, if this person begins to experience a loving relationship, they don't need to go hunting for the next encounter. Whether they want to admit it or not, they are filling the love gap in their life with sex.
Sexless marriages struggle or fail
There are many jokes in society about how rarely people have sex once they are married. However, the topic is not to be laughed at. It's a real problem in marriage that leads to all kinds of other problems. In marriage, making love communicates a level of love and desire. You want to be desired by your spouse. Therefore, if your spouse refuses to have sex with you, the message you are communicating is that you don't want him/her physically, which makes him/her feel that you don't love him/her either.
When a marriage continues in this way, there are a few things that tend to happen. The first is that the partner who feels unloved and unwanted will start looking for that fulfillment from other sources. This can quickly lead to extramarital affairs. Even if this doesn't happen, the partner may begin to withdraw from the relationship, which also leaves the other person feeling unloved. This causes distance, arguments, and hurt feelings throughout the marriage.
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Sex in a loving relationship deepens feelings of love
Couples who love each other tend to have sex more often. When both partners are committed and have sex regularly, it deepens the feelings of love they have for each other. This goes back to the first reason listed and the way the brain works. It's also why feelings of love begin to die in sexless marriages.
Love and sex are connected
No matter how hard society tries to remove love from the sexual experience, it's impossible to do so. Love and sex are connected. You can have sex without being in love, but that doesn't lead to any positive long-term situations. Instead, making love without love opens the door to many difficulties and emotional confusion. Similarly, if you are in a long-term romantic relationship, sex eventually comes into play. One without the other will not work for you in the long run.
Problems that can arise when you try to disconnect the two
- Emotional emptiness – When you have sex without being in love you will always seek more because the sexual experience does not satisfy the full need for what you are seeking, even if you don't realize it at the time. You are left with a feeling of emptiness and believe that the only way to fill it is with more sex. In fact, a deeper relationship where love is involved is the solution you're looking for.
- Misunderstood experiences – If you believe that love and sex are the same things, and not just related, you'll be driven to have sexual experiences because you're looking for love and believe you'll find it by making love. This is just preparing to be hurt. Love and sex are connected, but they are not the same thing. Many people will have sex with you to try to get their needs met, even if they don't have feelings of love for you.
- You're either using people or being used by people – When you're in a loving relationship, you both want the same thing which ultimately promotes your sexual compatibility. Your sexual experiences are deepening your relationship and you want to please each other both in and out of bed. However, when love is removed from a sexual experience, it is purely selfish. You are looking for love or you are looking to have your sexual needs met. There is a lack of care for what the other person needs. Your focus is on yourself.
- You lose your relationship – It's hard to maintain a long-term romantic relationship without making love. If you've been married for years and think that making love is no longer necessary to your relationship, you're wrong. Although you may think that making love is unnecessary, chances are your spouse doesn't feel the same way.
Solutions
- Bring back date night. Reconnecting with your spouse can renew your sex life and your love for each other. Spend time on the two of you and your relationship will flourish.
- Start a new hobby together. Making new and fun memories together can renew a lost spark. Find something you both enjoy and dive in.
- Your partner won't have a chance to work on the relationship if they don't know there's a problem. Communicate your problems, big and small, to protect the love and sex in your relationship.
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- Seek professional help. Problems that arise in life around love and sex are some of the most difficult to solve. Both sex and love are incredibly complex issues that have many variables at play. If you're struggling with situations in your life because of relationships, talking to a sex therapist may be one of the most effective ways to resolve the situation. While both love and sex are deeply personal experiences, sometimes talking to an outside party that isn't connected in any way can be the most effective in helping you see what's going on.
Before you jump into another meaningless sexual relationship or before you lose your marriage due to lack of sex, seek help. Love and sex are undoubtedly connected. Understanding how they are connected and how it affects your life is key to finding the balance you desire.
Conclusion
Love and sex go together for a variety of reasons. If your relationship is hurting or if you feel like you might start to drift apart, taking special care can help. It's always worth investing in your relationship. Whether you need to rekindle the spark or just want to add some wood to the fire, all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):
Why sex feels so good with someone you love?
There is a specific reason why it feels consistently good whenever you make love to someone you fall in love with. Making love is great with someone you love because it has so much more meaning. When you make love with your significant other, it's more than just a physical act between two people. It's a physical expression of your love for each other. When you fall in love with someone, it's much more than consummating your love. You love that person for who they are and all they mean to you. It is also possible to fall in love with someone without ever having made love to them.
Once you finally start to build your sexual connection with your sexual partner, it will be even more exciting. Making love with someone you love has the potential to be a very big part of your life that brings you happiness. Both men and women notice that making love is great when it's with someone you love. Making love can be quite nice even with people you are not in love with, but it is more satisfying when it has some kind of meaning.
Sex is important in love?
The topic of the importance of sex in love might be more controversial than you think. Many people would answer "yes" to this question and move on, but there are people with different points of view. Some people live their lives without ever making love and still say they have love. Sex might not be the most important aspect of love, but most people would say it's an important pillar in a loving relationship. Don't have sex because you feel pressured, though. Sex is not something you owe someone, and you don't have sex with people out of obligation. Your sex life is yours and you have to decide what you want to do with your body. You may not even want to have sex right now because of the social distancing measures in place. You can't adhere to social distancing measures while having sex, so this makes sense. It's just up to you to determine what you're comfortable with.
That being said, sexual decision making can play a role in your relationship. Some people will value sex a lot and want to seek it out fairly early in relationships. Other people take sexual decisions very seriously and will want to wait until they know they are in love with someone before trying to have sex. Your sexual decision-making practices will be entirely up to you and you will decide what is best. Men tend to crave sex a little more often than women, but both agree that it's an important part of a relationship on average. Work with your partner to develop a satisfying relationship and let your sexual connection grow naturally.
Sex strengthens a relationship?
Yes, making love with your partner has the potential to strengthen a relationship in a number of ways. Having a strong sexual connection with your partner could make your relationship much more satisfying. It has the potential to bring you closer together, which could make you even happier with your relationship. Couples with a strong sexual connection can walk hand in hand feeling very comfortable with one another. Having an intimate relationship with someone you love makes you feel like you can conquer anything together. That said, it's important to note that making love isn't the only important part of a healthy relationship.
Sex is one piece of the puzzle, but it's not the whole puzzle. You can walk hand in hand with your partner even if you are not ready to have sex. You don't have to feel pressured to make decisions by someone who wants you to have sex before you are ready. Sex is great, but it can also wait until you are comfortable with it. Not everyone wants to get into a sexual relationship too soon, and it can be beneficial to get to know your partner well before starting to be intimate. Consider walking hand in hand with your partner for a while and then making love when you both feel comfortable. Your sex life is something that can be great overall. Having great sex with your partner will make you happy, but your sex life is not the only thing you need to focus on.
Sex makes you fall in love?
It can be difficult to answer the question of whether having sex makes you fall in love. People have different opinions about the meaning of love and what kinds of actions can make someone fall in love. Love and sex might be two different things, after all. You can love someone without having sex and you don't need to build a sexual connection to start getting attached to someone. You can get close to someone after having sex with them, but that makes sex love and sex one and the same thing? Not necessarily.
The feelings you have while making love to someone could very well be love, but these feelings are not necessarily derived entirely from the sex you are having. The act of sex can be seen as an expression of your love. Most people would say they love their partners for reasons outside of the bedroom. If you have fallen in love with your partner simply because you have had sex with them, then this may seem a bit superficial. Can a superficial reason like enjoying someone's body be true love? It will be up to you to decide at the end of the day. Women tend to think of love connections as something beyond just a sexual connection. Many people tend to think of lovemaking as an extension of their love rather than the cause of their love.
It's okay to have sex every day?
If you feel like you want to have sex every single day, then that's perfectly fine. It just has to be something that your sexual partner is comfortable with as well. No one should ever feel compelled to have sex in any way. Sometimes you may find yourself in a situation where you can't have sex because you're too busy or because your partner doesn't feel like it. Sex is not something procedural and you can't always plan for it. You will often find that the best sex is very spontaneous. Some people have a high sex drive and want to have as much sex as possible. Having a high sex drive can sometimes be problematic, though, and it may even prompt you to want to find a therapist for assistance with your sexual issues.
There are people who struggle with what is known as sex addiction. This is an issue where someone wants to seek sexual activity constantly and cannot stop thinking about sex. Some men and women even go so far as to seek unsafe sex with strangers to satiate their sexual appetites. This can definitely be a big problem, but not everyone who wants sex every single day is addicted to sex. You don't necessarily need to find a therapist if you just have a healthy sex drive. It's just important to be able to recognize if you have unhealthy impulses that will lead you to make bad choices in life.
Many men would prefer to have sex every single day if possible. It's not unusual for women to have strong sexual urges as well, and some of them may want to seek them out. When you're in a marriage and family issues come up, it can be hard to have sex as often as you'd like to. Just understand that sex will not always be your main focus. It's a big part of your life that you should enjoy, but you won't always be able to prioritize it. Life can get in the way sometimes. Try to maintain a strong sexual connection, but don't be too disappointed if you can't have sex every night.
Sex before marriage is okay?
Most adults will want to seek out sex before they get married. However, many religions specifically state that sex before marriage is frowned upon. This doesn't mean that most people adhere to these principles, though. It's up to you to decide if you find sex before marriage to be morally right. Other people cannot tell you what to do with your body. This is a personal question that can't be answered for you. It comes down to what you want to do and what you are comfortable sharing with your partner.
Some people would say that having sex before marriage is very practical. You may want to know that you will be able to have a good sexual connection and sexual satisfaction with your partner before you decide to get married. If you are religious and this does not fit with your worldview, then you may decide to abstain from sex until you are married to your partner. Some couples struggle with issues like this. It can be helpful to find a therapist and talk things out if you can't get along. You may wish to find a therapist who understands both sides of the situation.
How much sex is normal?
Determining how much sex is normal in your relationship is simply not possible. Some couples have sex every single night and others try to have it once a week. There are also couples in healthy marriages who only manage to have sex monthly or bimonthly. The frequency of your sexual encounters does not necessarily determine the health of your relationship. Sometimes people are busy and it's not easy to find time for sex. This can be frustrating, but it doesn't have to hurt your relationship. You can find a sex therapist to talk things through if you are struggling to connect due to lack of time together. It is not good to go a long time without sex if you can avoid it.
Some couples have trouble having sex on a fairly regular basis because of a few factors. A person may be struggling with mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder. Eating disorders can also play a role in your sex life. So, if you can't have sex regularly because of a disorder, it's good to seek help. Fortunately, you can find a therapist to help you with bipolar disorder and eating disorders. When you find a therapist who helps you with your love life, it makes things a lot easier. Couples sometimes have connection issues that can be resolved simply by talking things out. When you find a therapist who understands this and helps you facilitate communication, it makes your life much better.
Too much sex is bad?
Too much sex is only bad in a couple of circumstances. It can be bad if you have some kind of sex addiction and are making poor life choices because of it. If you have a sex addiction, then you'll want to see a sex therapist to try to get your urges under control. There are also support groups for sex addicts that can make a difference. Another situation where too much sex is bad is when you put your partner in an uncomfortable position. You should not try to force your partner to have sex if he or she is uncomfortable with it. Your partner may only want to have sex when they feel like it. If you can be understanding of this, then it will be much better for your relationship.
Otherwise, having sex frequently can be very good for your mental health and your relationship. It makes you feel happier and can help you feel closer to your partner. Making love is something that can be very good for you, as long as you are experiencing it with a committed sexual partner. If you both don't have sex frequently and it doesn't get in the way of your life responsibilities, then it's not something to worry about.
Why we need sex?
Simply put, human beings desire sex because they have natural urges. Everyone is wired to desire sex and every person will have a certain type of sex drive. There are some people who say they don't desire sex at all, but these individuals are certainly in the minority. Even so, it might be a stretch to say that people need sex in their lives. Sex is not so much a need as it is a desire. It is possible to live a happy life if you don't have sex or if you don't have a sexual partner, but making love with your sexual partner can also enrich your life. Having a good sex life is something that could make an already happy life even more positive.
Knowing this, it's certainly worth seeking a sexual connection with someone beautiful. Having a good sex life can also help improve your mental health. When you make love with your sexual partner, this sexual activity offers you a sense of fulfillment and other health benefits. You know that sex is a healthy part of a normal relationship and it makes sense that it would have a positive impact on your mental health. Sometimes, making love and a healthy life go hand in hand. It's up to you to decide if you need the sex, though. Making love isn't a 100% requirement for happiness, but it can add a lot to your life if you find a partner to have great sex with.