In a month all couples of the world will celebrate the most romantic holiday of the year – Valentine's Day. We're getting ready for the upcoming event – with increased enthusiasm write articles devoted to the great love-event, check out all the materials under the tag #Day_of_all_lovers.
Our new material is quite important, because it is closely connected with psychology. When you're in the grip of feelings, you're not sure you care about nuances. And just because of this, you can confuse the butterflies in the stomach with a real deep emotion. But love and falling in love are not the same thing after all. To figure out how to tell the difference between these feelings, we interviewed experts in the field of relationships.
How to tell the difference between love and falling in love?
Igor Budeikin
Marriage counselor, author of "The Norm Level Relationship Builder's Handbook"
Igor Budeikin: There are feelings you can have for a real person. And there are feelings one can have for the figment of our imagination, giving the chosen one qualities that do not exist in reality, and beautiful spiritual impulses that we invented for ourselves. So that's it Falling in love is the feeling we have for the fruit of our own fantasies. And the "rose-colored glasses" effect and the idealization of the chosen one are indicators that it is not love, but infatuation.
Love between a man and a woman is a multi-part feeling. About love for the person (and not for the product of their own fantasies), we can talk only after people know each other's past and present. Love is when, after the process of getting to know each other, people:
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Feel a mutual sexual attraction;
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Admire each other;
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want to be with each other for life;
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Make joint (shared) plans for the future.
Falling in love is temporary, but love is very long term (probably forever)
The main difference between love and falling in love is "in timing.".
Falling in love doesn't last, it has no capacity to evolve. It often becomes the first stage of love, but sometimes it just remains a passing infatuation. Love, on the other hand, is a permanent, deep, enduring, yet flexible feeling. True love will survive any situation in life, it can last forever. Infatuation – is almost synonymous with passion, someday it is sure to fade.
When the crush is over?
Igor Budeikin: Infatuation passes after a collision with reality, when it is obvious that the man is nothing like the product of fantasies, and all attempts to change the man, make it at least a little bit like the ideal, do not give the desired result.
Falling in love can turn into true love?
Inna Vinogradova
The Psychologist
Inna Vinogradova: Yes, but it requires relationship work. You have to learn how to build it up. Love is like a dance. If you can't dance, you're learning, right? ♪ So in a relationship ♪.
What it means to learn how to build a relationship?
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Learn to negotiate. You have to talk about your interests and desires, and listen to your partner. If you each bend the line, not trying to compromise, the infatuation will quickly fade, and love will never come.
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Learn to trust.
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Learn the psychology of your partner. Man and woman see relationships differently. ¶ that's something to know and consider ¶.
Without a crush, a long-term relationship is possible. It can be a consumer relationship, a duty relationship, a rational relationship. Still, in order for true love to be born between partners, all of these aspects, including physical attraction and passion, must be developed proportionately.