Oh, the horror! You've got your eye on a guy your LP likes or who was her boyfriend? This is the worst of the best friend commandments you can't break. You are now forever stripped of your LP title and condemned to eternal quarrels with your new boyfriend, because you can't build happiness on other people's misfortunes!
Seriously?! No.
There's always a way out of every situation. If you have already started or are only going to meet with a guy who likes your girlfriend or who used to be in a romantic relationship with her, you should think it over. But first let's find out what kind of guy this is, how your girlfriend feels about him, how you feel, how he feels, and what outcome you hope for in the end…
What a guy?
- The love of your LP's life, it seems, since junior high.
- The guy she once dated but now doesn't want to give it to anyone else out of principle, actively using the phrase "female solidarity".
- Her ex-boyfriend, who they had a long and painful breakup with.
- The boy you both liked at the party.
In the first If you do, it's bad.
The second one – That's better. Because when you think about it, her ex-boyfriend is not her property. You have to be able to share. Even if she is uncomfortable seeing her ex with another girl, particularly her best friend. That's life.
The third – bad again. If the breakup was hard, they loved each other, and the girlfriend still remembers sweet episodes related to the ex-boyfriend, her hatred for you is understandable. Those two had a lot in common. Just like you and her. And the turn of events "LP + ex-boyfriend" is sure to leave a deep wound in her heart.
In the fourth – has no problem at all. If a guy clearly shows interest in you, why not "hang out" with him. Of course, you shouldn't leave your girlfriend at a party alone to rock out all night with this handsome guy. But you have to try to get his number. An important point: if you're the kind of girl who gets hit on every party, but your girlfriend constantly neglected, then maybe you should at least once to play the modesty-excellent and give your shy LP chance?
How does YOUR BFF feel about him??
- Suffering for several years now, perfecting her skill at writing love quatrains.
- Living with the memories of their failed romance.
In the first In the case of the first one, it's bad again.
In the second case you need more background data: how long they were dating; did they love each other; how they broke up, and who left who or was it by mutual consent; are they sure it's over or can they still get back together? Only by answering all these questions, you can assess the extent of the tragedy. Before you plunge into sweet dreams of him being beautiful – analyze! Either way, you're her best friend and should know all about her past affairs.
How do YOU feel about him?
If you just like him a little bit, the situation can be salvaged. Don't get active, don't reciprocate, and don't go on the offensive in any way. Just get over yourself and don't look at him in the hallways, don't text him, and try to avoid contact with him by all means. So you will have time to find a new object of love and safely avoid drama.
If you're head over heels in love, You can't sleep, or eat, much less do your homework, and you've entered the "I'll win him over at any cost" phase, then it's too late to back out. Of course, this is all in case he is also interested in your intimacy. Choose a more appropriate tactic:
- Keep silent and hide your relationship until the last moment.
- Tell your friend everything at once and as frankly as possible.
In the first one You'll shock her by telling her that you've been seeing him for a week.
The second one If you do, you run the risk of discovering what your LP is like in anger! No sooner will you finish your pre-arranged speech about how you like Vasya and that you are very ashamed, but your heart can not command, as your LP will be typing him a warning message, how ugly you are and why he should stay away from you. You'll find out if she's really a vengeful bitch or a defenseless victim.
What's next??
Then it's up to the situation.
- Either you do it your way and hope she forgives you. But you're in for a lot of phone calls, texts, showdowns, and judgmental looks from her other girlfriends. You risk going from friend to foe and no amount of "sorry" can change that. Ready?
- Either you suffer for the "dream guy" together, but you don't talk about it. And maybe soon, when you both cool down and the boy doesn't seem so great anymore, you can have a sincere discussion about what happened. And your friendship will grow even stronger!
-
Also, the option of "did not expect, bitch?!". If it's her ex, HE might get back at her. ♪ And we could write an article about that ♪.
In any case, the nerve-racking can not be avoided.
The key question: this wonderful young man is worth?
Answer this question honestly, thoughtfully, including not only the heart but also the brain. And make sure you test him to see if he's a jerk. And remember, when they say that the girlfriend is more important than the guy – it's a subjective opinion. There's only you, your feelings and your conscience. And common sense, of course. That's what you should do.
How to properly explain everything to your girlfriend?
And finally, here are a few tips on how to handle almost the most difficult and serious conversation of your life:
- Prepare for the conversation in advance. Write down all the thoughts you want to convey to her – in talking points. Think about where to start and how to properly articulate what you want to convey to your girlfriend. It's best to be as brief as possible.
- It's best to talk to LP when she's not expecting it. And while she will be in a state of shock, you quickly say everything you want to. Of course, it depends on the person. But who better than you to know how to properly present such important information to your girlfriend?.
- Don't give up if she doesn't want to hear you out. In the middle of a conversation or even at the beginning. Insist that you intend to explain everything, but don't overdo it. If you see that she's at the boiling point, you'd better back off.
- Be prepared for the fact that she did not "hear" you and constantly interrupts. So you can't just talk to her.
- Be prepared for completely different reactions, from "okay, I get it" to "I'll kill you, you crazy bitch. Even if you know your girlfriend 100%, people are unpredictable in these situations.
- If you can not say it all to her face – write a letter. In this case, there is a chance that your text will go down the drain. So it's up to you.
- Don't jump to conclusions. If the conversation took place and a vase (plate, phone, cat – underline) was thrown at you and you were sent "to three letters" – it's not over yet.
- Give her time to come to her senses. Each of us needs time to cool down, digest what we have heard and think things through. ♪ Chances are she'll understand you and forgive you ♪.
- Come back to the conversation a little later. You don't have to constantly stir up wounds, but you have a right to know what the status of your relationship with your girlfriend is.
- Try not to show violent feelings towards the guy in her presence. Everything has to happen gradually.
- If it ended badly and you are no longer friends, you should get over it and learn a lesson. Whether it works out with the guy or you split up after a couple of months. Any negative experience is good for us and makes us better and wiser.