Having listed the reasons why anyone who wants to become a good seducer should learn how to approach a woman, let's see the first problem that usually occurs: theapproach anxiety.
What is approach anxiety?
It is a negative feeling that occurs whenever we want to approach a woman we do not know.
It can be more or less strong depending on a number of factors such as self-confidence, the mood of the moment, the situation, the girl we want to approach etc. etc.
The points of the body where the feeling becomes more intense are the belly or chest, where you can feel a strong tension.
It is very peculiar to note that the anxiety of the approach is there only when we have to meet unknown women, approach girls we do NOT know, if instead the girl is presented to us the anxiety turns into something different and much more manageable.
What it is?
Let's start by saying not has nothing to do with how anxiety is generally understood, it is instead a fear that generates a feeling of high tension.
Every feeling has its own reason to existWe are afraid of heights because we would die if we jumped off a cliff, we are disgusted by bad food so we do not eat it and stay healthy, we are attracted to a woman because in this way nature guarantees the continuation of the species.
The question then arises: where does the approach anxiety come from?? If I approach a woman I certainly don't put my life at risk!
This is true, but the point is our brain is still structured to survive in the prehistoric world. Our brains have not evolved like culture and technology.
Once upon a time men were organized into tribes, and when a man approached a woman he didn't know most likely she might be from a different tribe, or at any rate she might be the mate of a man he didn't know.
The man who approached therefore put his life at risk. The tribe could be jealous of their women and defend them with their lives! The man could then risk being caught and killed in a few moments by a group of other men, at the time there were certainly no courts!
Approach anxiety is therefore a self-defense mechanism that nature has given us to survive, but this certainly does not mean that it cannot be overcome 😉
"Overcome" (not "eliminate")
To the term "eliminate" I prefer "overcome", I prefer to say "overcome the anxiety of approaching".
Why? It is a simple linguistic mental wank of mine?
Absolutely not, it is a very important way of thinking.
In fact, if you want to "eliminate anxiety" in your head, two things happen.
First, anxiety turns into an enemy, and every time you feel it you say to yourself "why do I still have this damn fear?!"and you are angry with yourself because you thought he was gone, but he is still there.
This hating anxiety turns into a second level of negative emotion (hating a part of you). As you may have already figured out, this is not the way to go.
A second reason is that you don't actually eliminate the anxiety completely, but you first make it very very small, and then you use it to give you energy.
Like a person who does extreme sports, the first time he tries it he is scared to death, but as he tries it again, gains confidence, the fear does not go away, but is reduced and transformed, and every time he is overcome the athlete has a shot of adrenaline.
There you go, it's the same thing for approaching, with a little less adrenaline than jumping off a mountain in a wingsuit .
These are the two reasons you should start using the word "overcome" instead of "eliminate".
How to overcome approach anxiety
To overcome the anxiety of approach there are two main methods, one is absolutely necessary, the other is optional and can give a big hand.
The two methods are:
- external
- inside
The method outside is what you do in the world, in life, so the act and commit yourself.
This is absolutely necessary, there's no escaping it.
The method inside is instead the one that acts directly on your fear of going to approach, and are some exercises that you find in 100% INNER GAME.
The internal method is by no means mandatory, but it can really give you a huge hand especially if you're a little bit stuck.
Exercises to overcome approach anxiety
Let's talk about the external method.
At the base there is a mechanism called progressive desensitization.
Progressive desensitization is based on the mechanism by which if we have a certain emotional reaction when we expose ourselves to a certain thing, if we continue to expose ourselves this emotion of ours fades away.
Think, for example, of the first time you drove a car, or were interrogated as a child, or otherwise did something that gave you awe. Over time, doing this many times, the fear has faded and in many cases has disappeared.
Well, this same mechanism we can use to decrease the anxiety of approach, making a small step at a time.
That's right, instead of feeling dumb because you can't approach that beautiful woman you see in the club, lower your difficulty level and choose something that gives you less fear.
For example, if you start right at the base you could go down the street and:
- ask 10 men for the time, done that…
- Ask 10 older ladies for the time, done this…
- Ask 10 girls for the hour, and then say hello, done this…
- ask 10 girls the time, give a quick compliment on an item of clothing they are wearing, and then say hello…
… as you gradually raise the level of difficulty, progressively lowering your approach anxiety.
All clear? Perfect!
Let's be clear, here we talk about approach anxiety, not generalized anxiety, an important disorder that must be treated in the right way. You can scroprire how to combat generalized anxiety here.
If you search more, you will find a structured path to overcome approach anxiety that uses progressive desensitization in How to meet new women.