Today I want to talk to you about the negative belief that leads to think that to approaching a girl match the disturb her.
Many times a man doesn't approach for fear of disturbing, or so it seems. But is it really a sensible excuse, or rather, is that really the why you don't approach? What happens when a man says "I am afraid of disturbing"?
When he gets the chance to do so he paralyzes himself because he feels a certain anxiety in a more or less strong way, immediately the brain sends a signal of danger and the man feels a feeling of blockage. But the brain that Rationalize the fear begins to provide an excuse, so that man begins to say that he doesn't approach for fear of disturbing her.
In simple terms the mechanism is this:
- The brain sends a danger signal by generating fear
- Fear is rationalized in the form of an apology
So what is it that blocks men from approaching? A whole set of elements such as shyness, the low self-esteem and some mistaken beliefs.
Now I want to focus on one Of these elements, which is very often the source of all the others: wrong beliefs.
If talking to strangers or approaching girls was something that was commonly accepted and incentivized as a social behavior to adopt, I'm willing to put my hand on the fire that men wouldn't have such a big deal about it.
It is the mistaken belief that one has of "approaching equals bothering" that needs to be eliminated.
Why this belief is not true?
Leaving aside some particular cases in which the girl in question is in a hurry (a situation in which you just need a little intuition to understand) Most of the times that you approach a girl don't disturb her.
I repeat: lthe vast majority of times you approach you do NOT bother. Get it through your head once and for all!!
The most common negative inner dialogue is this:
"She doesn't want to talk to you, you just bother her, now if you approach her you'll have an annoyed person in front of you: let it go"
WRONG
You know the exercise in the article where I ask you to turn your negative inner dialogue inside out by transforming your sentences to convey energy e trust? Here, the same applies here, your dialogue should tell you this:
"She wants to talk to you, you make her feel good and see if she's nice, for that alone she should just appreciate you"
But here I don't want to limit you to a mental exercise, I want to do more: I want to show you that this thing is true, That girls really want to know you.
Reason a moment, you think that people do not want to be disturbed but you are wrong because you do not make a fundamental distinction: you can't tell among what a person he expects from what he really wants.
The difference is all here.
What a person expect Is part of the normal routine for example:
- Arriving at work on time
- Stay calm
- Eating on your lunch break
- Running errands
- Doing your assigned tasks well
- Appear in a manner appropriate to the situation
- Etc
Now let me ask you something: if a person had always what she expects would be really happy or would be sad and bored? I think it doesn't take much to figure out that the most correct answer is the second one
What does a person really want in their life? Well everyone is different but in the end human beings have more similarities than differences. Here's a list of examples:
- Feel important
- Feeling gratified
- Emotions
- Challenges to conquer
- To feel loved
- To be able to realize yourself
- Do some crazy (in a good way) and get out of the routine (that's why holidays and festivities exist 😉 )
- Being carefree and not worrying about anything (like when you're on vacation)
Understood the concept? Now to give you a good idea I want to show you a nice video of the two guys of which I had already posted a video in a previous article. Look closely at the first and last scene.
Seen? Ahahaha. But do you think a girl would want to have breakfast with a stranger in the middle of people? Why didn't she leave?
Because this paradoxical situation was something crazy, and that's why it worked! It was something unexpected and for this reason beautiful and funny! The classic thing you tell your friends while laughing . At the last one, he even managed to wring a smile out of her pouty face that she had!
Why girls want you to approach them?
And here we are in the crux of the article: why women want you to pitch in? Here are some reasons.
- Because you're one of the few people who goes to her because you think she's a girl who is worth knowing.
- Why women always know the same men and then get acquainted with new people they like it.
- Because you are a person who has learned to make others feel at ease.
- Because you put in the effort and work hard daily to become a better person.
- Because you have figured out what a woman wants from a man and you want to Put yourself in the game.
It seems little to you?? Already one of these reasons is enough to be desired by a woman. Imagine a girl being approached by guys all the time: how many of those guys do you think are people like you? Very few, trust me.
It's not just about the approach
I've only talked about the approach so far this talk can be extended into the other stages of seduction as well.
For example if you are a shy guy, do you think the woman you like wants to have someone like that or a confident person who inspires her confidence?
Think about these things in a concrete way: you may think that increasing your confidence or other characteristics such as your masculine energy, the courage to kiss a girl, the confidence to be good in bed etc… is one thing wanted by you, and in part it's true, but if you think about it, the others would like you to be more confident and determined, women in primis.
Women want you to be confident, they want you to hit on them (as long as you know how to do it, but if you follow this site you shouldn't have any problems) they want you to be relaxed and energetic.
Giulia in a comment wrote:
My problem is that after years and years of long stories I would like to have fun, without hurting anyone and possibly without passing for "easy" .
Only light things in respect of the person, but I don't know how. no one approaches me! and (according to some) I'm not a bad girl and not even unpleasant.
You've written this several times and it's true (at least for me): how much easier it would be if a man took all the "responsibility" of seduction, like this we could just let go and not think about anything
(after all you only need to have decision, discretion, a bit of insistence and a bit of initiative – you can do it, right?? )
You've figured out how a woman sees the issue?
But this only applies to women? No! Even for the people you come in contact with every day.
Imagine going out one night and meeting a confident man, like James Bond for example. The idea of having a man like that next to you would not inspire you with confidence and security? I think so.
As it is for you, it is also for all other people.
In a way, society (as an organized group of people) also wants this from you. Remember the talk about expecting and really wanting? It's the same thing.
Maybe society expects you to increase its wealth and productivity but all the people involved want you to be able to give them good feelings security and be able to put them at ease even if they don't tell you so.
Going back to the main talk about women remember: you are someone many women would love to know and have as a lover, so next time launch yourself and do not be afraid.
Niko