Have you ever felt compelled to entertain a girl when you talk to her? To me very often, and I confess it's a mistake I've made for a long time.
Imagine the scene: you've made an approach and you've already started to move the conversation forward thanks to your gab, you see that she has welcomed your approach and is sending you positive signals.
At this point most men get caught up in the "entertainer syndrome" or are constantly trying to carry on the interaction without giving the right space to the girl.
At the beginning of an interaction, the man approaches and starts a conversation with a woman by taking the initiative and control of the situation.
When the girl already open instead, the interaction should be based on a more balanced alternation.
In other words, you have to give more space to her, you have to "pass the ball" to her so that she also carries on the conversation: you have to throw the hook and see what happens and not constantly seek her approval.
Why Avoid This?
Because the anxiety of having to carry the conversation forward all the time betrays the fear of being pushed aside and makes you lose a lot of value in front of a girl.
You know the hamster wheel, that wheel that spins when you're running and doesn't let you go anywhere? The syndrome of 'entertainer makes you feel like you are in that wheel, you feel spurred to continue for fear of stopping, but in reality you do not really go anywhere.
What you want is to have a more relaxed conversation, Where you are confident enough to let things go on their own as well. You need to start assuming a confident, relaxed demeanor without feeling like you have to be the one who talks and talks again all the time.
In practice?
Next time you go to a girl, don't start flooding her with words just because you're afraid of silences. Introduce a sentence or two and wait for her to continue the interaction. If she doesn't answer you and stays silent? It goes a long way: accept the silence and only after you have done it, if you feel like it, start talking again.
Basically, it's about being more natural by getting rid of the need to have to talk for fear of silences. The big mistake lies in the fact that you put pressure on yourself.
Strive in this case makes you agitate lowering your value in his eyes. On the other hand, if you think you are of equal value (as explained here), what need is there to constantly entertain her? Let her make an effort to create a nice interaction too.
Even among friends, don't always be the one who has to be the center of attention to maintain leadership. Let the conversation go on its own, and only fit in if you feel like it.
Imagine that you are at the station and you see many trains going by. Don't take the first train, but wait to take the one that goes where you like best.
What you need to do is to start letting things go their own way and avoid taking away space from others. If you want to have a conversation on your own you can always do it in front of the mirror no?
With a girl this is even more true, because if you give her the space to lead the conversation you make her feel good and you show yourself more confident and attractive.
All this talk ties in perfectly with the concept of pace, i.e. at rhythm of interaction, which I will tell you about in the next article.
Niko