Communication problems in the couple?!
Don't worry, some communication problems in the couple happen to everyone at some point.
Ever get the feeling, with your girlfriend, that everything you say sounds like the wrong one?
Ever get the feeling that there's something really wrong with your dialogue at certain times?
In fact, there are components of the dialogue, therefore specific ways of communicating, that destroy the dialogue itself and lead to an escalation of problems in the couple.
This is great!
Why?
Why remove simply these virus of good communication the dialogue takes off, the tone becomes calm and when there is an argument you can reach peace in a much easier way.
Let's go and see what these components are so that you can eliminate in your communication.
Not only that, you can also explain these things to your partner so that she knows them as well and the two of you improve your dialogue, the results will be much faster.
So here are the failing components, the viruses of good couple communication:
1. Pointing out
Think about how it is Annoying repeatedly hearing how the facts are and how they should be.
Even if you can accept the other person's view, it still feels like disagreeing, not so much because of the content of what is being said, but because of the manner.
So talking rationally is good, keep pointing things out no!
2. Recriminate
Recrimination is thelist the faults of the partner, as if we were the trial judges.
Imagine how annoying it is to be told: "You did this!! And then you did this other one!", even though our girl may be right, we get a mad desire not to listen to her.
Obviously this applies in reverse as well, so don't recriminate your partner's faults but talk about them in a calm way not painting them as "faults".
3. Blame
The rebuker starts with a communicative role very specific: the victim's.
The unspoken (or maybe said) message in the rebuke is "I'm your victim, you made me feel this way, it's all your fault, I'm your blameless victim and you make me feel bad.".
It is a mode of communication that try to generate a sense of guilt in your partner But, even if it succeeds, it also often generates a good dose of anger, because it is never nice to hear that someone wants to make us feel bad, in this case with guilt.
4. Blame
If I were asked how to make a couple fail, I would suggest a good dose of blame.
Blaming is something really bitchy :-), because it is a type of communication in which in the first part thanking or complimenting your partner for an action he or she has taken, and in the process second one tells him that he could have done better, or that it is not enough, or that it is late.
The second part completely destroys the first part, and the message that eventually comes through is only negative.
Examples of blaming can be:
Him: "You have a nice outfit tonight, sure though, maybe you could have worn the fancier one."
You: "Thank you for the attention you gave me in that unpleasant situation, but I also could have used more affection from you.".