What is the false imperturbability?
How to distinguish false imperturbability and true imperturbability?
False imperturbability
Let's first try to understand what is the false imperturbability with an example.
Let's say you approach a girl and at some point she responds badly to you, what happens in you?
It may happen that inside you feel some anger or pissed off that rise, but you decide to block them and not show them, showing then imperturbable.
At which point your body is metaphorically a bottle of bubbly (nice metaphor eh? 😉 ).
Inside you are full of pressure, you create a plug to keep it from coming out and you think that no one from the outside can see that inside you have all this accumulated pressure, this force that presses to get out.
So you're talking to this girl, and while you can feel the pissiness rising, you're committed to not showing it.
The question is: do you think you can really not to show it?
The answer is: no.
Because it is true, there are men, men who are not very sensitive to changes in energy, men with little ability to read body signals, who may not realize it.
On the other hand, however, there are men who notice it on the fly, for example I would notice it instantly because with all the practice I've done of approaches I can read very well the non-verbal signals without even thinking about it.
And last but not least, we have womene. They always notice it!
Don't think you can hide how you really feel to women, they read you inside, just a movement or a wrong microexpression (and I remind you that you can't control microexpressions) and they understand what you have.
So, we discovered something important: false imperturbability means feeling a negative emotion and pretending not to feel it.
Because it is wrong?
Why do people they notice it anyway.
You want another reason why it's wrong?
Holding back strong emotions is not good for your health, Holding back emotions is equivalent to a contraction, and who often holds back emotions is always in contraction, and does not do well at all.
So… what's the road? We'll see later, first let's take another example of false imperturbability.
You're always talking to a woman and she responds to you badly and you remain imperturbable because "you know it's needed in seduction" and "remaining imperturbable creates attraction".
I'll tell you one thing: it is true that being imperturbable is very useful in seduction and creates a lot of attraction, but you do not have to be imperturbable for this, you have to be unflappable to yourself.
So, what to do in practice?
The real imperturbability
What is the way of true imperturbability?
First of all: true imperturbability is not do the imperturbable, is not showing up imperturbable, is being imperturbable.
So it doesn't mean "don't show that you have negative emotions", it really means not to feel them.
It doesn't mean holding back or controlling yourself, because if you're holding back it means you're holding something back, while imperturbability really means not feeling this something.
It is not therefore to hold back negative emotions, but not to feel them at all!
The difference is enormous, it is the same difference that there is between being or pretending to be!
When you pretend imperturbability you are contracted, physically contracted, because emotions also affect the physical. You have parts of you that are contracted, but you try not to show it, and this hurts you a lot.
When you are imperturbable you are relaxed, mentally and physically.
To have two images you can use on the one hand, for the false imperturbability, a super-stressed New York manager who doesn't want to show any sign of giving in, like the ones you see on TV shows, and for the real one a Tibetan monk.
Yes, these are extreme examples, there are various gradations in between, but they can be useful to understand.
Understanding this raises the question: what is the way of the real imperturbability?
True imperturbability does not come from "not taking it because it is useful in seduction" or "because Marco said so", it comes instead from not taking it because it is not worth it, because taking it makes you feel bad, because it is useless and harmful.
These motivations must be the motivations that push you to become more imperturbable every day.
The practice of imperturbability must be constant day after day, committing yourself, in the situations that could make you react negatively, to "let go", to "don't take it" because "it does the same" and not "not worth it".
So: what exactly to do?
One technique is to choose one of these phrases (ex. "let go"), or whatever phrase works for you, to tell yourself to stay calm when situations happen that can cause you negative emotions.
In these moments feel your body, if you feel a relaxation (and not a contraction) means you're on the right track.
If you occasionally fail be careful not to fall into the trap of getting angry because you got angry and didn't stay unflappable. It is a pissing off on the!
I know it sounds crazy, but it often happens I'm telling you this because I've been there and I've seen others make the same mistake.
If you get angry and you don't remain calm, don't worry, one step at a time you will become more and more calm.