Let's talk about a topic that is close to my heart: Fear of the first kiss you give a girl.
I remember years ago this was the time that terrified me the most. In fact, as far as the approach or the rapport was concerned, I had no particular difficulties: I knew how to socialize without problems, I had no difficulty in creating curiosity and interest on the part of a woman, I had no difficulty in opening up to her and sharing my interests, my experiences and my person.
But. even when I had done everything perfectly…. I knew the moment of the first kiss had arrived and you know what happens? A voice inside me said: "You can kiss this woman but you don't know what's going to happen to you after you do, better look for some more confirmation to make sure she doesn't reject you". And you know what happened next? I could never find this "confirmation" and so not wanting to risk it, I didn't kiss her.
Today I want to help you not to make my mistake. In fact I will talk to you about the kiss itself and what to do in practice to overcoming the fear of the first kiss, whether it happens shortly after you meet her, on a first date, or even afterwards.
How to see the kiss
First of all I want to talk to you about how you should see the kiss.
The kiss is a way to express affection and intimacy with a woman, it is a signal to tell her "I like you and I want to share physicality and intimacy with you.".
This definition is important: in fact, 99.9% of men believe that kissing is:
- A contract in which a woman is implicitly asked to commit and have a relationship
- A way to convince the girl to be with you
- A risky and dangerous action that can lead to two results: either the conquest, or the final break with the person
Obviously these are ways of understanding the kiss according to most men who are inexperienced, good-guy, and anxious. In fact, many of these men have anxieties, limiting beliefs that prevent them from putting themselves in situations where they might kiss a woman.
The kiss is the ultimate test that proves his interest
Very often you hear me talk about the concept of "testing a girl".
In short testing a girl takes the form of all those actions that expose you to possible rejection and that you allow you to understand if a girl is interested or not. It could be a simple physical contact, a joke, a declaration of interest or indeed, a kiss.
I'm not telling you that you should randomly kiss a woman as soon as you see her, I'm telling you that you should do it if she seems interested and if you want to check if she really is.
(Ah, you already know how to create interest and attraction in a woman? If you want to have a practical method look at this.)
How to overcome the fear of the first kiss
Let's move on to how to overcome the fear of her rejecting you when you try to kiss her:
1. Practice kissing
Many good guys are attached to a specific outcome when they are about to give a girl her first kiss or otherwise think that the consequences can fall into two categories: rejection or acceptance. Basically if she's into it or not.
With experience I can guarantee you that after a kiss many things can happen, but none of them are so dramatic. I'll give you examples:
- She might be embarrassed but she likes the idea, so wait for a second kiss
- She may not be interested but she really likes the idea of being desired by a man by a man
- She might be interested but she likes the idea of being wanted by a man so she's being a girl who's a bit of a tease
- She may laugh about it even if she's not interested
- She might be okay with it in the moment but then reconsider
- It might fit in the moment but don't take it seriously
- She might not be interested but then change her mind in the following days thinking about you for a long time
- She may shut herself off with lots of paranoia (this is usually a behavior of women who are insecure or have shyness issues)
So you understand that there is no point in being overly attached to a specific result? Instead, it makes sense to see the kiss as a way to test the girl's interest and finally remove that doubt that's been making you feel bad.
For practice I can give you some advice:
- Start kissing a woman on the cheek to begin to become familiar with kissing and more intimate physical contact
- Focus on your sensations, About the physical contact between your touch and her body, don't think about "how to kiss"
- The first kiss is different for every person and also for every woman. Every woman kisses differently. Practicing teaches you that there are many ways to kiss
- Learn to develop your own personal way of kissing
- Remember that lips are very receptive. In fact they have a lot of nerves and are very sensitive. Giving the right attention to your lips will make your kiss memorable
- Try to put yourself in situations where you can kiss and don't make too many problems for yourself. Kissing is not a contract of commitment with the other person
2. Destroy your limiting beliefs
Many good guys think that if they try to kiss a woman she will slap them or get mad at them, this makes the fear of the first kiss grow out of proportion. I can guarantee you: a woman does not get angry if you try to kiss her, in fact in most cases where I have tried to kiss them they felt honored and smiled at me.
The reason is very simple: a woman likes to be touched and feel that emotional and sensual physical tension that kissing gives them.
I'm telling you that they will automatically say "yes" to you? Of course not, I'm just saying they like to feel the sensations a kiss can give them.
What you need to do the next time you hear these limiting beliefs (beliefs that block you) influence your thoughts will be to turn your beliefs into positive beliefs like these:
- "She is dying to find out how you kiss."
- "Her lips are specifically designed to feel the sensations of a kiss."
3. Forget about the perfect moment
You need to know that there is no precise moment for the first kiss, and there is also no unique signal that tells you that you can do it.
What can be said, however, is that you can kiss a woman when she sends you positive signals of interest, but especially when she reacts well to your tests.
I'm referring to, for example, when you approach her, or when you make some joke that implies you care about her, or when you touch her. If she reacts positively to these things then it's time to kiss.
Obviously this rule is to be followed so flexibleFor example, I have known girls that I have kissed without having done these tests (such as at the disco).
What you need to keep in mind is that kissing a girl is like when you take a dive off a cliff. There is no specific time when you are ready, you just do it, in fact the more you think about the plunge the less you jump in. The same thing is true for kissing: it is necessary that you do not think about it if you want to jump into it.
I'll link you to 3 articles that may be helpful on the subject of kissing:
- How to tell if she's ready for a first kiss
- The first kiss should be created or you should go on instinct?
- First kiss and first date
Niko