Today I want to talk about 7 key habits to be more sociable, 7 key points to improve your ability to relate with others.
Have you ever wondered why there are some people who can be open with everyone and others who struggle with it?
The answer is simple: more sociable people adopting ways of behaving and thinking that are more effective, and in this article we're going to look at the main.
Before we start though a key point, before you even think about being sociable, if you consider yourself shy it's best to first work on this area of your life to overcome shyness, you can start doing that from this page.
7 habits for socializing
1. Let go of the need to impose on others
If you have been following SeduzioneAttrazione for some time you will surely have come across the concept of alpha man and beta man. If you've been paying attention you've realized that each of us has alpha male and beta male aspects.
Unfortunately, it happens to see a lot of men who want to appear alpha at all costs, trying to impose themselves constantly on others, to command, to show machismo, exceeding the limits of common sense. This is what Marco calls "negative dominance".
To make a long story short, these men are men who live off the self-esteem issues, They believe that they are not attractive or valuable men, so they try to compensate for this insecurity with some of the following extreme attitudes that don't make them look natural.
In fact they believe that being alpha means being attractive. Their problem, however, is that they make this equation a fixed rule while ignoring everything else.
I know it's important to keep your back straight and have open body language for example, but don't overdo it and especially don't do it with the intention of impressing someone.
The people who are most successful in social relationships are the ones who let go of this stupid competition to see who has the biggest dick (pass me the term :-)) or better, who is "more dominant" "cooler" or more authoritative. It is a stupid and dangerous thing that only leads you to create barriers with others.
Take note, often the people who connect best with others are the ones who let themselves go, who are relaxed with themselves and care about keeping relationships relaxed and enjoyable.
So be relaxed, smile, let others take the space they need to introduce themselves.
We all enjoy dealing with people who enjoy our company. If you show that you are genuinely happy interacting with others, others will consequently start to be happy interacting with you.
2. Make physical contact
The physical contact of a person has a strong "power". In fact it has the ability to create a feeling of complicity and involvement towards the other person.
Of course it has to be a touch genuine and natural, and non-threatening or mechanical. For example, a light touch on the shoulder or on the arm when you have to say something important or confidential.
Physical contact breaks down the barriers between people and decreases the difference between the perceived distance and the real distance between you and the other person.
3. Take a genuine interest in the other person
When having a conversation, many people feign interest so as not to appear rude or because they are too busy making a good impression to really follow what the other person has to say.
I know it's often difficult, especially if you're a shy person, but therein lies your real challenge: that is, in trying to get rid of behaviors that try to protect you (and that lead you to seek the approval of others) and become a real, authentic person who shows real interest.
So if someone talks to you and you're interested in what they say, ask questions, ask him what led him to that phrase or observation, ask why and how, exercise interest and curiosity about the other person.
4. Practice vulnerability
In a recent article I talked about vulnerability and how it works. Basically vulnerability in addition to being the healthiest way I know how to grow is a fantastic way to make connections.
What I don't want you to do is to not get into some kind of competition with others. I don't want you to show how good you are at something and I don't want you to feel bad if you see that someone has been successful while you haven't.
Remember that if there is always someone better for you there will be many people who will think you are better at something else.
It doesn't matter to win. Learn to admit that you are not good at everything, and if someone is better than you genuinely show admiration and compliment that person. Envy acts as a cancer to your self-esteem, learn to be happy for others as proof that good things can happen to everyone in this world (yes even you).
Don't feel obligated to show victory, show vulnerability. Remember that what is constructed can impress but in reality people like what is genuine and true.
5. Don't act for a spare part
Many people when they act or speak often do so with the intention of getting a reciprocation. How many times have you heard phrases like: "With everything I've done for him/her, he/she reciprocates me like this??". Here, people like this are people to avoid.
These people act according to a hidden contract, as I like to define it, i.e. they enter into a contract that only they know like this "If I do this THEN you have to do this".
Let me tell you, this is immature and insecure behavior. If you want to do something you do it because you feel like it, the same goes for the other person.
You can't bind anyone to you, everyone has the right to live life on their own terms and if you want to do someone a favor for a spare part then avoid doing that favor because it's an unfeeling and not genuine favor.
Imagine that what you do you do as if it were a gift. Such a person is liked because they don't tie anyone down and respect others for who they are by giving them their own space.
6. Don't be afraid to bond more with people
When you have had a nice interaction, don't limit yourself to the "thank you, goodbye". If that person was able to give you a beautiful interaction then shake their hand touch their arm with the other and tell them with a smile "I really enjoyed talking to you, if you'd like we can get together in the future.".
Surely by openly and genuinely expressing your appreciation you'll ensure that others won't forget about you, plus you'll have a somewhat closer relationship with that person.
Many men are afraid to be close, because they don't want to get involved, they prefer to keep their distance because they feel inside the comfort zone i.e. safer.
I'm telling you to stick it to people to feel worthy of value? Absolutely not, I'm telling you that in relationships you always have to take some risk and approach others with the awareness that the other person is free to approach or move away from you.
I remind you that you must act as if you were giving a gift, the gift of yourself.
7. Don't care what other people think of you
Unconsciously many people keep asking themselves "What do others think of me?".
Yes, it is this very question that, bouncing around in your head, creates tension, shyness and a sense of inferiority.
The moment you start to give a shit about other people's judgment, that's when you start to be genuine, free and happy.
There is no definitive goal
There is no ultimate goal where you go from being an antisocial person to a successful one.
I for one, am a sociable person: I go out alone and always make acquaintances, sometimes I find someone I keep in touch with. When there are new people there are many who have pleasant conversations with me, I get many pats on the back, many times I find myself with more invitations for the same evening and I am spoilt for choice when it comes to going out with friends.
But I'll tell you more: this does not make me a first class person. I will always humbly learn, there will always be situations that will make me grow, that will be able to enrich me.
That's why I can't define myself as richer or poorer than I was in the past. Only more mature and aware.
This is the kind of philosophy that I would like you to carry with you always.
Niko