There is no doubt that love is a complicated thing. People have different ideas about love. Some people think that somewhere out there is a soulmate for them. A right person they need to find. Others believe that love is too big a risk to take. The ideas people have about love are all different.
But love is fleeting? Science says it's not. Researchers tried to find out if love can last and if people can really still be in love with their partner after decades of a relationship. The study examined brain scans of couples who had been in love for an average of 21 years and those who had fallen in love within the last year. The scans were similar.
If this is true, then you may wonder why so many people say that love is fleeting. And you may wonder why the divorce rate is so high. It is not uncommon to hear that a couple has separated because they are no longer "in love" with each other.
Love changes over time
One of the reasons people think they're no longer in love is because love changes over time. The feelings that are there in the beginning don't last forever.
When you're in love for the first time, everything seems right with the world. You don't see any imperfections in the other person and think you've found the perfect one for you. You like to spend every minute you can with them, and you think about them when you're not together. You're willing to do things you don't like just so you can spend time with that person. You get excited at the mention of their name and work hard to be the person you think they want in their life. And that's great.
But once the novelty of a relationship wears off, love begins to change. You start to see things in that person that bother you a little bit. You may start to disagree more. You may not even feel the same spark every time you see them across the room.
If you're not familiar with the different stages of love, it's easy to think that this change in feelings means you're no longer in love. You may think that if you love someone, those feelings will always be there, just as they were in the beginning. Popular movies like romantic comedies contribute to this belief. But in reality love changes over time.
Although the novelty may wear off, if you stick with it, it grows into something much deeper and longer lasting. It's unrealistic to think that you can spend your whole life at the level where the relationship is in those early days.
So, what does this mean for love?
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If you want to be in a lasting relationship, it means you need to get familiar with how to make the relationship last once the puppy love phase wears off. You need to be able to recognize when this happens and understand that it doesn't mean your relationship has to end, but simply that it's changing – and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Although you may miss some of the excitement you felt in the early days, a new level of comfort, trust, and security sets in as you move further into the stages of love. So instead of thinking that love is fleeting and giving up on your relationship, here are some things you can do to make love last.
Choose your partner every day
And no, that doesn't mean picking a different person every day. It means you have to choose the partner you're with day after day after day.
Love may be partly a feeling, but it's also a choice. You can choose to love someone even when those initial feelings have worn off. There are some days when you might be angry with each other and you might not feel all the warm and fuzzy feelings of love, but that doesn't mean you can't choose to act in love towards that person.
Do what you did in the beginning
One of the ways you can choose to love your partner as the relationship progresses is by continuing to do the things you did in the early stages of your relationship. Chances are you were willing to go places you wouldn't have chosen to go, eat things you wouldn't have chosen to eat, and participate in things you wouldn't normally enjoy, just to show the person you cared about them.
When the novelty of relationships wears off, it's not uncommon for people to stop doing these things for their partner. Once you feel like you've succeeded in winning the person over, it's easy to fall into complacency in your relationship. However, choosing to do these things over and over again can go a long way in keeping love in your relationship.
Protect your relationship
People don't plan to be unfaithful in their relationships for the most part, but this happens all too often because they are not protecting their relationship the way they need to. Be aware of the amount of time you spend with other people and make sure you always keep your significant other first. Make it known that you are in a relationship and therefore do not look for anything else.
Don't play the comparison game
This can go several ways in a relationship. The first is to not compare what you are doing with what the other person is doing. It is easy to think that you will do something for them when they will do something for you, but this does not work in helping a relationship succeed. If you want to make love last, then take responsibility for every action you can, and don't compare what you do to what the other person is doing for you.
The other comparison game you need to stay out of when you're in a relationship is comparing your relationship to someone else's. It's easy to see what someone else's significant other is doing for them and feel envious. While it may seem like the grass is greener on the other side, that's usually not the case. Every relationship has its own issues and struggles. If a relationship seems to be happier than yours or more passionate than yours, chances are people are investing more in it than you are.
Choose your thoughts and words carefully
Your thoughts are crucial in life. What you allow yourself to think about will eventually impact the things you say and the things you do. If you constantly feel sorry for yourself or are tearing down your significant other in your head, it will eventually show.
Instead of focusing on the things that hurt or the things you don't like, choose to focus on the positive. There are plenty of things they could focus on negatively about you as well, but neither of you should want to do that to the other person.
Don't hold grudges
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You will have arguments and disagreements in your relationship. This is perfectly normal and okay. But it's not okay to hold grudges in your relationship. This will get in the way of happiness and love every time. It is important that you learn how to forgive your partner and also how to ask for forgiveness.
Go to couples therapy
You may think that couples therapy is a last resort for many people, but it doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to be on the brink of separation to go to couples therapy. Experienced therapists are able to help you redefine and maintain love in your relationship. They are able to help you learn important skills and strategies that will allow your relationship to be successful in the long run. Will be able to help both you and your partner identify areas in yourself that need to be addressed and learn what the root causes of problems in your relationship are.
There is a growing body of evidence pointing to online therapy as an effective method for couples who want to participate in psychotherapy. In one study, couples were interviewed who used various sources of therapy. Overall, the majority of couples indicated a preference for the comprehensive tools and methods provided by online psychotherapy, as opposed to in-person meetings. These findings are in line with current research indicating the growing acceptance of online therapy platforms as Affordable and efficient resources forProviding mental health guidance to both individuals and couples. Accessibility and efficiency generally come from eliminating certain constraints that may be associated with in-person psychotherapy, including perceived stigma, generally high costs, and geographic barriers.
Conclusion
Once you know what the root cause of your problems are, you know what to start addressing to have a successful relationship. If your relationship is struggling or if you're wondering if you're still truly in love with your partner, don't delay in getting the help you need. The sooner you act, the more effective your psychotherapy will be. However, if you continue to procrastinate, you may be allowing the problems to fester, making it harder to improve your relationship once you decide to take the step to go to psychotherapy.Relationships aren't easy. But love is only fleeting if you allow it to be so.