[Small note before we start: the interview will be available for a while yet FEW HOURS, CLICK HERE to get it]
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"Perfectionism", have you ever thought about this term?
I ask you an important question: do you give the term "perfectionism" a meaning? positive or negative?
Being a "perfectionist" is a good or bad?
It is peculiar, because many give this term a negative meaning and many others a positive meaning, and there are not many words that can boast this difference in perception.
Don't worry, this is a 100% practical article, I assure you, an article in which I will also talk about me and my relationship with perfectionism, but first it's important to get two "mental wanks" on the meaning of the term.
So let's go and see what some online dictionaries say:
Hoepli gives only a negative meaning to the term perfectionism:
Wordreference gives us a meaning first neutral and then negative:
The Courier dictionary makes a clear separation between positive and negative meaning:
But then who is right?
Perfectionism is negative or positive?
No one is "right" and no one is "wrong", it just depends on how we understand things, the meaning we give to a term is subjective, accordingly: just understand each other .
This ambivalence, however, tells us something very important: perfectionism can be both positive and negative.
The effective perfectionist
I am an effective perfectionist (or at least I try to be ).
What it means?
The effective perfectionist is one who uses perfectionism to his advantage, uses the pursuit of perfection as a strategy to improve, as an effective habit to achieve ambitious goals.
Virtually every successful person I know is, to varying degrees, an effective perfectionist.
This does not mean that he is a perfectionist in everything, on the contrary, I know people who are "normal" in many things they do but in their field they are perfectionists and this places them among the best.
The effective perfectionist uses this characteristic to his or her advantage and is not subjugated by it, has a particular relationship with the lenses that can be expressed with a metaphor:
The effective perfectionist aims for the moon to get to the top of the mountain.
He knows well that by climbing he can't reach the moon (because 100% perfection doesn't exist), but he keeps it as a reference point anyway, so then he'll get to the top of the mountain.
He also has a certain way of comparing himself to others in his field…without even thinking about it he looks around and defines who to compare himself to: compare yourself with the best.
I remember when I was a child one day I went to the home of a friend of mine, and fatality that day he had taken a bad grade in school, he told his mother adding that however had not been one of the worst, there had been much lower votes.
She looked at him and replied (I'm telling you this in dialect let's see if you understand it ):
Massa easy confrontarse with the peso, te dovaresito confrontarte with the mejo
In other words: those who compare themselves to the worst do so to justify failures, those who compare themselves to the best do so to achieve successes.
Of course, not being a slave to this comparison, not feeling bad if you don't achieve certain results, but using this comparison in a positive way.
Some say comparing yourself to others is wrong, I don't think it is: unconsciously everyone we confront, it's a very important social mechanism, so at this point it's better to do it well, isn't it??
Ultimately, the effective perfectionist has a subtle, somewhat obsessive side which in fact is very present in people who study personal development and seduction, is a very useful side but at the same time you have to know how to keep it at bay being careful not to be exaggerated because there is also another type of perfectionist ..
… lurking in the shadows ..
… the dark side of strength Of perfectionism…
The obsessive perfectionist
I used to be an obsessive perfectionist (and in some things I admit I still am , I'm working on it…).
We said that if you are a bit obsessive towards what you like, what motivates you, if you are slightly obsessive in your field is fine.
The problem comes when you become really too obsessive and perfectionist in a negative sense.
Yes, because the obsessive perfectionist is the one who embodies the negative side of the term "perfectionism".
When perfectionism becomes negative?
First: when it's too much, when it's too much.
When a person tries too hard to be perfect all the time, to give too much, to always always be the best in an exaggerated way.
What happens in these cases?
It happens that such a person will not always be able to be perfect, so it will begin to Feeling frustrated and anxious.
In fact, clinical research shows that those who have a perfectionist side that is too strong are at risk of anxiety and depression (obviously we are talking about extreme cases, but they help us understand.)
Whose fault is it?
Of many factors put together:
- Mass media that often talk about celebrities as if they were the gods of the new millennium
- Advertising that always gives us perfect men and perfect women (retouched with photo retouching programs) next to cars and clothes as perfect sending the message "If you want a perfect woman you must have a perfect car, and if you do not have it you are a loser"
- Wrong ideals of success: because a person it has to to be successful?!
Let me elaborate on that last point: we seem to be getting closer and closer to the American model of "success" and "work".
According to this model you have to run run run run to be always the best, you have to work 10 hours a day otherwise you will not be promoted: this shit let's leave it to those who kill themselves with work and perfectionism overseas, there is even a term, they are called "workaholic", that is a person who can not not work like crazy.
Which, let's get this straight, if you like it that's fine! I I love my job, there are days that between consulting, rewriting articles, creating Ebook, interacting with users, 12 hours go by.
But first, it's not the norm, second I love it, third I don't "have to do it", every now and then "I want to do it".
Because it is wrong this "duty" that many feel to be perfect?
Because in many cases it comes from the outside, and here we have the second case where obsessive perfectionism makes itself present!!!
This "duty", these ideals of perfection often from others! Better yet, and you read very carefully here: Are derived from what we think others want from us!
Let's do a little psychology, shall we?? Where does this come from?
But of course from parents and teachers: as a kid you did a few things right and your parents smiled at you and the teacher gave you a good grade, you did a few things wrong and your parents yelled at you while the teacher gave you a bad grade.
So, in a way, you've learned that the only way to get love and approval from others is to always do everything right according to their standards.
But heck: we're not kids anymore, we decide for ourselves what we should do well or not, and the world will still love us.
And above all: who said that perfection, that the maximum, that the best, is what others impose on us? We can't decide this for ourselves?!
Decide for yourself what will make you happy, decide for yourself your goals and what you want from life, because if you don't do it, someone else will do it for you.
In practice: how to be an effective perfectionist and not an obsessive one
Now let's see how to stay well away from obsessive perfectionism and instead use effective perfectionism to achieve your goals.
I'm going to give you a few examples taken from something that happened during and after the recording of the interview because the examples really fit like a glove.
So…let's look at the various points to follow…
1. Word of caution
The operative word is: virtue lies in the middle.
Being a perfectionist up to a certain point is fine, it helps you, it stimulates you, being too much makes you unhappy and anxious.
2. Don't confuse medium and purpose
The obsessive perfectionist confuses the means with the aim.
For example after the interview I listened to myself again and my voice didn't drive me crazy, I think there's room for improvement, I've worked on it in the past and now it's much better (it used to be bad ) but I'll definitely work on it in the future.
The problem is that I wanted to redo the whole interview from scratch. Now, apart from the fact that it would have killed me :-), it would not have made sense.
Why?
Because I was confusing the means with the purpose: the purpose was to pass some content, not to do a voice course .
If I was going to be an obsessive perfectionist about my voice you guys would probably never have listened to any interviews hahahha .
I repeat, doesn't take away from the fact that I will work on it in the future.
This, once again, to make you understand that you don't have to look at me as the perfect superguru superman of my c……i, but as a normal person who has improved, a person who admits his faults and knows that he can still improve, claro?
This one is very important, so I hope it's clear to everyone
3. Questions you need to ask yourself
If you think you are a "perfect" ask yourself:
- I often try to be perfect?
- I always try to be the best at all costs?
- what I'm doing… is it necessary that it be so well done or am I exchanging the means with the end?
4. Accepted and improved anyway
It is possible to accept your flaws and still improve – that would be the best way to go.
5. If you feel like you're too much of a perfectionist in some things…
… learn to make a little mistake, Learn to do some things "as they come", it's a very interesting exercise that I've done several times myself (obviously I don't recommend doing it for important things like setting a carabiner while climbing a mountain , use your common sense to figure it out )
Hi perfect! hahahaa
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