Noticed how people have been talking more and more lately about red flags in relationships? This topic is being brought up by bloggers and psychologists alike in their new videos, various board games with the same name are on sale, and TikTok even has a separate "Red flags" mask. But have you ever wondered what the term really means?? 🧐
Let's start with the obvious: the color red is used both in sports and in everyday life (think of the same traffic light) as a signal to stop. That is, in fact, when one notices a red flag, one must put things on pause and think about what is going wrong at the moment. In relationships, on the other hand, this phrase is used to recognize toxic manifestations in your partner's actions (or pay attention to your own behavior) and leave in English. Well, now let's see what those red flags are 👇
Jealousy without reason
Who you shouldn't be like: Ross from "Friends."
Don't be too quick to throw tomatoes! Some might say that jealousy is an indicator that the man cares about you, and you can't disagree here. But you can't fully accept that point of view either. There are a few things to consider: how often your loved one is worried about the competition for your heart, and how he expresses it in words and actions.
It's good if you calmly talk about such experiences and look for a way out together. But if, as in the case of Rachel and Ross from "Friends," his jealousy turns to rebuking you (and be honest with yourself) unreasonably, then gracefully turn around and walk away, girls! 😂
Constant control
Who you don't have to be like: Joe from "You."
He has all your social media passwords, your house key, and your bank card pin number? Run! Well, seriously, worrying about your partner's safety, occasionally wondering how he's doing, and keeping a man under the gun all the time are not the same thing. By the way, this is probably the final stage of jealousy, also known as insanity. This can be caused by two things: your partner's low self-esteem (make sure the other person is not asserting himself at your expense) or a stalker attitude.
If that's okay with you, then let's try to make clear the dangers of such a habit with the "You" series. Even ruling out murder and stalking (not something you'd turn a blind eye to, right?) from Joe's checklist, he's still a toxic boyfriend. It's important for him to know everything about his partner and to have complete power over his life, and otherwise Joe is capable of the worst. Oh yeah, and let's not forget gaslighting – a special kind of psychological abuse 🙅♀️
Disinterest in you
Who you shouldn't be like: Dean from the Gilmore Girls
It's great when a person is interested in what's important to you and tries to remember the smallest details. But don't rush to get upset if you have to repeat something several times – we all have hard days when our head is full of extraneous thoughts and even the most important information is forgotten. And if a person prefers physical contact to regular heart-to-heart conversations (absolutely always) and chooses the company of friends to socialize with, then here it is, the red flag.
It's even worse if you have to hear the regular "don't make a fuss," see a dear person roll their eyes more often than they're happy for your accomplishments, and all your problems are unreasonably downplayed. I'm sorry, but that's anything but love, and you really deserve better. This is exactly what happened with Dean and Rory from "The Gilmore Girls": things even went smoothly at first and they never broke up, but when the initial crush passed, Dean became irritable, controlling and indifferent. And instead of giving his opinion on Rory's work, he would respond with something like, "You know more about it than I do." 🤷♀️
His friends' bad attitudes toward you
Who you don't have to be like: William from "Scam."
And even easier, pay attention to how your acquaintance with them went. You see, guys are always discussing their affairs of the heart amongst themselves, but not as much as girls, of course. And you can tell how a guy feels about you by the way his friends act in your presence. First of all, if you are important to him and he doesn't see you as just another fling, he will put a ban on all vulgar jokes and sarcastic comments about you.
Also, if any of his friends are being aggressive and reacting violently to your every word, then maybe your boyfriend hasn't introduced you in a good way in absentia and is worth considering. Unfortunately, this is something Wilde from "Scam" didn't know at the time, and she created the perfect image of the guy in her head. William ended up taking advantage of her, didn't even remember her name, and made a mockery of her in his circle of friends. But the worst part is that Noura turned a blind eye to all this and trusted the guy. Two-faced 👿
Addictions with no end in sight
Who you don't have to be like: Valerio from the TV series "Elites."
No, it's not just a rough patch, and no, it's not temporary. A man is comfortable having someone on his side and continuing to believe in him no matter what. Of course, everyone deserves a second chance, and you can't beat your lover to the punch, but think a thousand and one times before you get involved in something like this. Otherwise, instead of a happy future awaits you together in misery, and it's good if you are not dragged along with him. And remember, you can always find another way out of a situation, and plain pity hasn't helped anyone yet.
As much as we'd like to admit it, the charming Valerio from "The Elite" is not at all as wonderful as his smile. Not only was his relationship with Lou illegal, but he liked to make promises more than he liked to keep his word. Valerio didn't care much about how those feelings would affect his beloved, or how his addiction would affect the dearest people in his life. And even when his friends forgave him this flaw, he found it appropriate to sell them drugs, playing on their weaknesses. Bring the prize for being the best guy here 😂
Plays on a level playing field
Who you shouldn't be like: Chuck from "Gossip Girl."
But we know them as emotional swings. They can be extremely entertaining and bring a lot of excitement to ordinary life, but what's the point? Such games won't make anyone happier, because underneath all the tinsel is the very real manipulation. People are attracted to swinging because it allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and feelings. This includes being unattainable, rude for no reason, or in complete control of the relationship.
Chuck and Blair are one of the best couples on "Gossip Girl," with many iconic scenes that we still remember to this day. Their incredible chemistry and Chuck's devotion is only a small part of what makes this couple so special. Nevertheless, you can't avoid the obvious red flags in both the guy's behavior and the basis of their relationship. After all, it was the unhealthy games that filled their affair, which then led to their endless quarrels and reconciliations. It certainly adds interest to the plot, but spoils all the good that can come between two lovers 😥
Aggression and temper tantrums
Who you shouldn't be like: Nate from Euphoria
Frequent and uncontrollable. Someone who is aggressive toward you, loved ones, strangers, and even animals should be a cause for serious concern. It indicates that he hasn't developed a healthy way to properly channel and express his emotions. It all starts with a sloppy word, a wave of the hand and leads to physical violence, that's the reality. So don't you dare accept his apologies or believe his promises to change, but pack your bags and run away. It's not a joke!
Think of Nate. He's a violent man, but he holds up well most of the time. It is impossible to predict his outbursts of anger, nor is it possible to calm him down with common sense. When he attacked Maddie at the carnival, he didn't care about her feelings because Nate knew she loved him so much she wouldn't tell anyone anything. He wanted to test his power over her, and his sadistic plan worked until she passed out at school the next day 🤯
The Steady Lie
Who you don't have to be like: Simon from the TV series "The Bridgertons."
Lying at the beginning of a relationship, even in little things like telling you what he did last weekend, is like a trailer for what awaits you in the relationship itself. If a man lies about something small, he's likely to lie about something big. It definitely undermines trust both with a current partner and a possible future with others. So instead of re-educating the guy, you better save your nerves and say goodbye to him once and for all 😌
One of the biggest problems with the relationships of the main characters in the "Bridgertons" series is that they are based on a lot of lies and secrets from the very beginning. This led to the fact that Simon evaded answering intimate questions from Daphne and pretended that he physically can not have children, instead of talking about the vow he made to his father. And then it got even worse 🤭
Now that you know a little bit more about the toxic manifestations of human character that we like to call red flags, it will be easier for you to discern them in those around you and not waste your time. Don't thank 😉