On the one hand, jealousy – a very normal feeling. Everyone has ever been jealous of someone – my mother to her younger sister, best friend to a mutual friend, or a suddenly available boyfriend … And in love, without jealousy in general as nowhere. Many are even sure that if you don't get jealous, you don't love at all.
Psychologists with this, however, do not really agree. Jealousy, they say, is no indicator of strong feelings. Because true love is respect and trust.
But no matter what psychologists say, people still continue to be jealous of each other. Unfortunately, this is often the beginning of the end – according to statistics, a third of relationships end because of this. What should you do so that you do not join this sad number? For starters, figure out exactly what the cause of your jealousy is. And then act according to the circumstances.
Reason one: you are not confident
The most trivial cause of jealousy is low self-esteem. If you think you're not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not talented enough (the list goes on and on), sooner or later you will suspect your lover that he thinks the same of you. They say that in order to love someone, you should first love yourself. If you have a harmonious relationship with yourself, then with the guy happily ever after chances are greatly increased.
What to do? The answer is obvious – it is necessary to improve self-esteem. Easier said than done, of course, but still. Start with the fact that you will not criticize yourself for every mistake. Don't look for more flaws in your reflection. In short, love yourself for who you are. Then it'll be easier to believe in the guy's love, without unnecessary speculation and reservations.
Don't be too relaxed, really. Loving yourself and getting better are not mutually exclusive. So keep learning new things and evolving. Remember, no one forced your boyfriend to date you-he chose you and loves you. Not all of these beautiful, smart girls and other strangers 😉
Reason two: You're not confident in the guy
Maybe he's just checking out the girls on the street from time to time? Or somehow too flirty jokes with classmates? Or you keep texting your ex for some reason? In general, it seems to you that there is a real reason for concern. There are two possibilities: either he's really acting iffy or you're exaggerating his friendly attitude.
What to do?? Don't cry silently into your pillow and harbor suspicions. Try to evaluate his behavior a little less emotionally. Maybe he's been friends with this very ex since kindergarten, and their romance was more of a platonic affair? And with the girls at uni he's just joking around because he's basically a sociable guy? Maybe his behavior with them is not so different from his classmates?
If you still have doubts, talk to the guy. In any case, just do not accuse him of all mortal sins – talk about yourself. Use phrases like "I get upset when I see you hanging out with your ex so much" or "I hate that you pay so much attention to other girls. Try to phrase your remarks as neutrally as possible – so he doesn't take it as a hit.
In a good way, your boyfriend will try to correct his behavior at least a little bit. Don't expect him to erase the phone numbers of all the girls he knows and stop saying hi to them when you see them. But if the boyfriend will not take into account your experiences and will continue in the same spirit, it is worth wondering whether you need such a relationship.
Reason number three: You've been burned before
Maybe your ex cheated on you or left you for someone else. In general, the past relationship was a sad story, and now you can not get rid of the feeling that "all men are jerks" and not to trust them. Even if your current boyfriend is being nice and doesn't seem to give you anything to worry about.
What to do? First, remind yourself that the past relationship is in the past, and in your life now the other person. Don't look for vague hints in his behavior that he's planning to run away. You know, you can make up all kinds of stuff if you want to. Evaluate him as him, not as a follower of your ex. And don't compare your relationship with his past too much either. It's a new story, don't live in the past.
Just to be safe, you can still talk to the guy. Explain to him that you are especially sensitive right now, and you may not even react appropriately to little things. Simply because old wounds haven't healed yet. It's very possible that your boyfriend will try to give you more confidence in him and in your love.
The fourth reason: you terrible possessive bitch
Your boyfriend, your rules! You don't want to share him with anyone because he's yours! Friends, girlfriends, and even relatives – no one has the right to his time and attention, because the main thing in his life is you. And the main thing is the same. And if he has the nerve to hang out with his buddies tonight, he won't be forgiven.
What to do? Hey, girl, take it easy.) You do remember that your boyfriend is a human being, not a new purse? He has the right to decide for himself what and with whom he wants to do it. Sure, it's great when you spend a lot of time together, but sometimes you have to take a break. You probably like going out with your girlfriends too? While he's waiting on the doormat? Learn to give him more freedom and don't try to control his every breath, okay?? 🙂
Reason five: You're too attached to him
You're hanging out with the same people, doing the same things, going to… well, you get the idea. So if he's going out without you, you begin to wonder if he's not going out with friends, but to meet another girl?
What to do? Sharing hobbies and friends is fine, but you should have your own interests, too. Don't try to fit into his life completely and don't open the door wide to yours. Spend time separately – not only useful, but it helps to brighten up the joint evening: you will definitely be what to tell each other.