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It may seem like women are more likely to give up on dating than men, but men are just as likely to throw in the towel. Here are seven reasons some heterosexual men and women have decided to forgo dating.
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They will be used for their money
Some people have given up on dating because they are afraid of so-called "gold diggers," or partners who only want them for their money. Many people would rather have their partner earn an income, than depend on them for every little thing.
A good way to control a potential prospector is to not let them know how much money you have. Maybe choose clothes that look more ordinary, keep the fancy watches and jewelry at home, and meet up with friends so your date doesn't see the kind of car you drive. Downplay your job and position, and keep any other details of your income close to the vest. The right person will learn to love you regardless of your income, and their reward will be discovering how lucky they were to find you. Remember that both sexes can be financially successful. Many people share the concern that a potential mate is more interested in their earning potential than in building a mutually beneficial, healthy, and satisfying relationship.
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Annoyed by "inequality"
Many women report being frustrated that the men they date don't see them as equals. Family roles of "he goes to work while she stays home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids" are outdated, and women are frustrated that men don't seem as enthusiastic about being an active part of a family unit. Traditional roles can make both men and women hesitant to pursue serious long-term relationships.
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Fear of commitment or long-term relationships
When it comes to dating, some people would rather not have to worry about getting married early or otherwise ending up in a long-term relationship. Let's face it, some men and women simply aren't ready to settle down and would rather not have to worry about things like who's going to choose what to do for dinner every night, or what family they should spend the vacations with.
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For these types, casual encounters are more attractive than hunting for the perfect mate. Although casual dating is still a form of courtship, it doesn't involve as many rules or restrictions as dating to find a long-term mate. You don't have to worry about emotions getting in the way with a casual fling, as long as the relationship is defined as casual from the start. Otherwise, emotions can get in the way and things can take an undesirable turn for the serious.
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Both men and women have been the victims of abusive relationships
Understandably, those who have survived a verbally or physically abusive relationship may be discouraged by the idea of dating. Some people are afraid to let a potential partner in because there's a chance of getting hurt again.
While it's certainly a valid concern, cutting yourself off completely from the world of dating ensures that you'll never meet that special someone who truly deserves you. Consider whether it's better to take a break from the dating world than to abandon it altogether.
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Dating takes effort
In today's world, you can have just about any kind of experience from the comfort of your couch. You no longer have to go to the movies when you have Netflix, Hulu, YouTube and Google Play. You don't even need to get on a plane to enjoy a panoramic view of virtually every landmark worth mentioning. So, the idea of getting dressed, putting on a splash of cologne or perfume, and driving to a particular place to meet someone in person may simply seem like more effort than someone wants to do or has time for.
The truth is, you're never going to meet anyone if you never leave the house. And the best way to confirm a negative bias is to keep doing what you're doing without extending yourself beyond your comfort zone. Sure, it might be exhausting to strive to meet new people only to be unsuccessful in the end, but you never know who you might meet until you try. At the very least, you could end up making a good friend. At best, you might find your soulmate.
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A person still hasn't achieved the goals they set for themselves
Of all the reasons to forgo dating, this is perhaps one of the noblest, if not the most noble the nobler. Maybe you're not ready to share your life with another person yet, so you temporarily forgo dating for a while. Perhaps you want to be more stable in your career. Maybe you want to be able to leave your parents' home. Maybe you want to save up for a better car or work toward other financial goals.
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Whatever the reason, you may still not be satisfied with your lot in life, which is a responsible reason not to go looking for the perfect mate. It's so important to get your ducks in a row before involving a new person in your life. And if you're not ready, that's totally fine.
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A person is simply too young to settle down
This reason goes along with reason #6. If a person is too young to settle down, then they may decide to put dating on hold until they've established a career or improved a hectic home life. This is an honorable and responsible reason to give up dating temporarily. The right time to meet that special someone is when it's right for you, not a specific age or stage of life.
Why you shouldn't give up on dating
Dating new people is like going on job interviews. Sure, you might have to do a ton, but all it takes is that one to feel like a good match. All you need is that one needle in the haystack. But you'll never find it if you stop looking.
If you're tired of being jilted in love, the best thing to do is to establish a life you love away from the dating game. Your ultimate partner should be a compliment to your already great life, not a filler for a void. You want to be able to share the life of your dreams with the person of your dreams, and sometimes you need to create that life before you meet that person.
You'll feel infinitely more satisfied when you have something substantial to share with another person. Your confidence and happiness will attract the right kind of people who also have something to share. The beauty of establishing that kind of life first is that if you meet someone and it doesn't work out, you have the best thing in the world to fall back on: yourself and the life you've created. This is the very definition of if you don't care about you first, who will?
Research shows there's a link between self-esteem and our relationships. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example, found that high self-esteem improves the quality of our relationships, and good relationships increase our self-esteem. Therapy has been shown to help patients work through self-esteem, self-worth and interpersonal relationship challenges, and new research has found that therapy delivered over the internet is just as effective as in-person therapy. This study, conducted by researchers at Brigham Young University, found that technology-based therapy offers other additional benefits, including "lower costs, no travel time, easy access, no waiting list, and trackable progress".
If you're struggling with self-esteem issues or relationship problems, consider talking to a therapist about developing healthy habits that can help you love yourself and love others.
Serenis offers a convenient and confidential way to talk to a trusted medical professional. Appointments take place by phone or video conference, or you can communicate with your therapist via email or text message. Our licensed therapists take confidentiality seriously, and you'll never have to worry about your privacy. Serenis maintains rigorous standards and all correspondence between you and your therapist is protected and encrypted by 256-bit banking encryption.