We girls have dozens of challenges every day, but there are three questions we almost never know the right answer to: “What to wear today?”, “What color to paint your nails in?” и “How to turn down an annoying suitor?”. And if with the first two, we can cope with it, but to solve the third, we involve an entire committee of girlfriends and maybe my mom.
Break up the counselors! ELLE Girl’s new piece on how to turn down an annoying admirer and still be a good girl in his eyes.
The first and most important thing: if you realized that you do not like the guy Don’t give him false hopes. Most problems start just when a suitor thinks you’ve given him the green light. If at first behave coldly, do not flirt and do not make even very vague joint plans for the future, it is likely that his spark can be extinguished before it ignites into a flame.
If you still can not resist and poketrivala with the guy, or he, despite your coldness, continues to behave insistently, then you should adhere to the following rules:
Refuse to meet
You don’t have to explain why you can’t go on a date. You don’t tell him that you might meet him in a cafe sometime later. It’s a hope and a promise in one bottle – definitely won’t let go!
Don’t keep the conversation going
No, there’s no need to be silent. But if you correspond online, you can answer the guy dryly, do not ask him counter-questions. If he’s not really interested in you, he’ll probably back off quickly.
If the tricks of the “dynamo” type do not help, then apparently, you really fell into the heart of a guy, and he intends to pursue you… And if his feelings are sincere and deep, it is very important to try not to hurt them.
So how do you say goodbye to a young man so you don’t feel lousy about hurting him??
But if your truth can humiliate the young man and (worse) develop complexes in him, it is better to give the truth in dosage.
Talk face to face
If the guy is not a stranger to you (friend, classmate, ex-boyfriend who decided to return), it is better to tell him about your feelings – or rather their absence – In person. Prepare a speech in advance. I know, I know, it’s much easier to write a big message with explanations “VKontakte”. But if you care about someone, I advise you not to be so disrespectful. Break up in a text message with someone you don’t have an emotional connection or a special story with. You can consider the option of phone “blow” in the case where you may not have the courage to say “no” in the meeting.
Take the blame
It’s not him so bad, so bad and not good for you. Tell him what it is you Not ready for a relationship yet. Of the possible excuses: you are in love with someone else, can not get over your ex, hard going through the breakup of a previous relationship and not yet ready for a new one, you do not have time for an affair… and so on. But don’t say that clichéd, “It’s not you, it’s me.”. It’ll piss him off!
After the stick, the carrot
Say something nice to him, give him a compliment. ♪ But not the “you’re the greatest guy in the world” kind of thing ♪. You have to say something special about him, but don’t make it sound pretentious or like you feel sorry for him.
You can say the following: “You’re very good to me, thank you for always being there for me when I needed it. I appreciate it very much.”.
These words you, first of all, show that you appreciate his efforts and attempts to win you. And secondly, give him confidence that he’s not a bad guy and deserves his happiness, just with someone else.
Be ready for a surge of emotion from the guy
He’ll be very uncomfortable with rejection. And the reaction can be very unpredictable. Out of resentment he will be able to say something that he himself will regret. Take everything firmly.
♪ Burn bridges, cut ropes ♪
Be decisive and irrevocable. If you’re gonna blow him off, you gotta blow him off once and for all. Otherwise, the guy will think that you’re just playing the unapproachable girl and hinting to him that you should pursue more actively. Let me remind you once again: You should not give a guy hope for some bright future. The sooner he realizes that he will not build it with you, the sooner he will recover and start looking for a new soul mate.
Don’t mumble and finally tell him no
I don’t want to offend anyone, but sometimes guys are totally unwilling to back down. So a simple word “no” often has a much stronger effect than all of the above tricks. Most importantly, don’t say no in a rude way.
To the question: “Can I meet you??” answer politely: “No, thanks.”;
On a question: “Maybe we’ll go out?” Answer: “No, to be honest, I don’t really feel like it.”;
On offer: “Let’s start dating.” Answer: “I’m sorry, but I don’t need this right now / I’m not ready for a relationship / I have feelings for another young man.”.
What you shouldn’t do
Don’t say you have a boyfriend if you don’t
You shouldn’t lie, because the truth can come out very easily – it will be unpleasant for you and for him. I know, often you don’t want to admit to a suitor (and especially to yourself) that it’s not about external circumstances, but about you, about the lack of reciprocity. But you have to tell him the truth. If only so that your conqueror doesn’t indulge in the fantasy that one day you’ll break up with your imaginary boyfriend and be open to his advances.
Don’t ignore him
Are you yourself going to be stressed out by 100+ unread social media posts. Just say no to him one time. If he keeps trying after that, make it even more clear that he has nothing to catch. Didn’t get it again – well, you did the best you could. There is no point in playing cat and mouse again. You can threaten him with a ban.
Don’t ask your boyfriend to stay friends
Just because it would be a little selfish of you. You know he wants to be in a relationship with you, but you can’t give it to him, make him happy. So there’s almost always no upside to a post-breakup friendship: you’ll feel keenly guilty about your lack of emotion, he’ll feel miserable about not being loved.
And most importantly, remember: you can’t please everyone, and love is not always reciprocated, unfortunately. Either way, the heart wants what the heart wants.